The first challenge that Ray put before me, dealt with my interior leanings. He flushed this out by discussing the responses he received earlier in the day to his webinar announcement. To give you a little background, Ray had hired a personal assistant to gather the emails of everyone eligible for the webinar in order to send an announcement to those individuals. Ray used the responses he had received to flush out the inner dialogue going on with the individuals on the call. I must admit, that when I checked out how I had responded to not having received my invitation, it pointed out a chink inside my leadership armor, something that needed to be examined.

Ultimately this opened up a deep truth with regards to leaders. A true leader just isn’t afraid of careful inspection or examination. In fact a true leader will welcome this sort of interactions. In my own life, I have made it a priority to have people of differing opinions during my inner circle to “shoot holes within my balloons. ” This process has allowed me to distinguish my own areas of weakness and oversight in order to give those who have entrusted themselves to me the very best leadership I can provide.

Ray asked the question: “What is the biggest thing a leader can do? ” The answer of course, is to lead simply by example. Ray went on to explain a common pitfall that lots of network marketers fall into once they start to experience some success. They shift from leader to manager and ultimately suffocate their business. When a leader begins to feel personally responsible for making sure everyone succeeds they get mired down in micro management and in cheer leading. Ray emphasized that the greatest leadership we can our people is to continue to push forward with them that have made us all successful. As we continue to accomplish, we set the precedent for the people that are watching along with following us. This thought was capped using this type of profound statement: “Our objective is not to create followers, but instead create other leaders. ” When an person exhibits strong leadership, they naturally attract other like minded leaders. Ray Higdon is quick to remind folks that he is never the highest lead generator in his business; however, he is the number one money earner in his business and he attributes that most notably to his leadership luring other leaders.

Ray Higdon is not only a great network marketer, but he is truly a gifted leader. After spending a few minutes with Ray Higdon it is easy to see how he established himself at the top levels of our industry.

The day ended with the boss sitting at her desk looking for the Excedrin, it was that pounding of a headache. “Why” she said aloud to her computer, “why it is so hard for some people to get along?”

“I can’t work with her” was the chant the boss heard as soon as she was settled in her office the next morning.” The veins in his neck were pronounced as he continued “She is the most selfish, arrogant person I have ever met”.

Handling conflict is a major part of leadership development. You can have the best product in the world yet, if the marketing team, sales team, administrative team is at odds with each other the dissention will tumble to customers who will find another product elsewhere.

Think about the word conflict. What is your initial reaction? Do fault” as you look for the nearest exit? How about playing Scarlett you think “Not another ##&%!! Issue?” Do you say “Not my O’Hara brushing past the upset with “I’ll think about it tomorrow”? Or are you one of the few who says “Oh great, I know I can learn from this mess”.

Whatever your first response, be kind to yourself. Your knee-jerk reactions are those you have developed over time for security and survival. Yet, there is a better way. Once you learn to think in terms of connecting the dots of an experience you can find a better way to handle all conflict.

Begin to think larger, holistically, about “if-this-then-that”. When you think in terms of a system your thinking is integrated and interdependent. It takes into account the big picture and long range thinking.

So when a conflict erupts ask yourself, “What do I want as an outcome?” Then stop, take a breath and ask yourself, “How have I handled this kind of issue in the past?” Then take another breath and begin to connect the dots. Look at how you have either avoided or perhaps barreled into solving the problem without thinking it through. Is your tendency to blame others or blame yourself? Do you go dramatic, comic, or silent?

Use the following guidelines to go beyond the twin mistakes of obsessing and scapegoating:

1) Stop downward spirals: create a win-win situation. This does not mean that the pie is evenly divided, but rather that everyone has been heard and included in hammering out a solution

2) Everyone talks: everyone needs to be hears in equal increments. A good model is to have all parties repeat the facts first, give an opinion, talk about how the situation makes them feel, and then state a possible beneficial outcome.

3) No band-aids: when tensions are high most people will take the first solution to be the best just to get out of the discomfort. Take a long break, or let people “sleep on it” and return the next day before stamping the issue finished

When people are allowed to talk together and probe for better solutions, the way opens for healthy, lasting change. Adopt a “connect the dots”, systems approach to handling conflict and you will be seen as a far more thoughtful and inventive leader. And your work setting will be a happier and more resilient place to work.